My Morning Everything

Multiple choice. No cheating.

Which of the following is Wooten.

1. "Over the last few days, though, it became more and more obvious that Detroit didn’t quite grasp the seriousness of the situation, and that the concessions they were willing to offer wouldn’t be sufficient. Clarity came in reading Mitt Romney’s piece in today’s NY Times, in which he argued against a bailout and in favor of a managed bankruptcy."

2. "Yet that alleged concern for integrity didn’t stop the King heirs from turning their father into a cellphone flack, selling the rights to King’s “I Have a Dream” speech for millions of dollars to telecom giants Cingular and Alcatel, which used portions of the speech in commercials. In their pursuit of riches they have delayed memorials to their father, demanding fees for the use of papers and photos that might be displayed. They have sold precious handwritten documents to the highest bidder."

3. "While pondering the question of what “change” President-elect Barack Obama represents — he sound like Al Gore on global warming, while recycling the Clintonistas back into positions of power — we look elsewhere today for an example of what’s wrong with government."

Internet fights are pointless, soul sucking affairs. Frequently, one side stubbornly presses its nose against a particular tree while the other frantically cuts down the other trees in the vain hope their adversary will hear the noise.

But, sometimes the fight is not about the participants but about who is watching - those silent ghosts called readers.

Every now and then, in the midst of the inevitable labelling, some nose-to-tree person utters some version of "he only picks on the conservative columnist".

This, friends and neighbors, is a conclusion based on selective reading and I hate selective reading. It is a tactic familiar to those who frequently hear the lunatic ramblings of creationists - form a conclusion and then find the facts which fit.

Here are the facts in the griftdrift vs. Wooten kerfluffle which the tree embracers ignore.

1. I don't pick on Jim because he is a conservative - I pick on him because he's a loon. He has become a caricature of conservatism that rabble rouses and brags about unleashing his "band of right wingers" on fat women who don't dress appropriately.

2. When Jim acts like an actual conservative, I not only credit him but to the consternation of my liberal friends sometimes agree with him.

Even though I frequently disagree with Tucker and to a lesser degree Bookman, it is rare they dip the pen so deep in the poison well that I feel the immediate urge to call them out. But now that I've crashed a few trees, I'll make this promise to the tree only people - I'll try to do a better job of expanding the forest to include the other species. However, I make no promise that the Wooten tree won't continue to dominate the forest.

Your answer

Only #3 is Wooten. #1 is Bookman and #2 is Tucker.