Bloody entrails on the table isn't evidence of an impending cure - it is evidence of a slow, painful evisceration.
But don't tell AJC Editor Julia Wallace.
With the ashes of the latest round of layoffs still warm, she has the audacity to use the word "proud" to describe the impending relaunch of the paper.
Apparently this "newsy" "flashy" new paper (didn't we already go through this with Ron Martin?) will be more responsive and local.
On the responsive front, Ms. Wallace chose to address her dwindling readers directly. Online. On Sunday. The one day where people actually still sit and clutch their gobs of dead tree.
But Ms. Wallace did more than navel gaze. She also promised to respond to comments and questions. Which she did. Exactly five times. Out of over 100 comments. And after explaining how endorsements work (gosh, I've never heard that pablum explanation via one of her Public Editor golems before), commenting was closed.
On the local front, things are even more Pythonesque.
A few days ago, an AJC Online headline screeched that a driver in a fatal accident had been charged. Surely, it must be a story of the horrific hit and run on Riverdale Rd.
No. It was in Arizona.
Then today, the always tittilating headline of an exotic dance taking a stiletto to the head of a coworker appears. Gosh, things must be getting a little wild at the Pink Pony.
Or in Ohio.
Salacious headlines to lure readers deeper into stories that have jack squat to do with Atlanta.
It makes one wonder how much of the alledged $1 million a week is spent on the latest hip and trendy consultants who hypnotize with subtle purrings of clicks per million and sticky pages.
Meanwhile, blood continues to flow on Marietta Street and all we hear is the next cut will be the cure. There is a certainty in those words - cut enough and the patient disappears - no longing needing restorative therapy.